"but, I'm no addict!!"

[from Kathleen DesMaison's book, The Sugar Addict's Total Recovery Program]:


Here are the criteria the American Psychiatric Association uses to determine addiction:

~  The substance is taken in greater amounts or for a longer time than intended.

(Have you ever planned to have just a cookie and eaten the whole plate?)

~  There is a persistent desire or one or more unsuccessful attempts to cut down or control use.

(Does that question make you laugh because it seems so absurd?  One or more unsuccessful attempts seem sort of funny to sugar addicts.)

~  Major time is spent in seeking, using, or recovering from the effects of use.

(Do you make sure you always have a can of Coke - or your special sugar-laced coffee - on your desk?  Do you feel an inordinate sense of relief when your family is gone so you can eat what you want?)

~  Frequent intoxication or withdrawal interferes with responsibilities.

(At first blush, you may think that your sugar use does not affect your life.  But are your bills paid on time?  Is your desk cleared off?  Are you too tired to function at three in the afternoon?  Look at your behavior with a different eye and you may be socked at how true this is.)

~  There is a decreased level of social, recreational activities due to use.

(Do you prefer to be alone so you can eat what you want, when?  Do you shy away from those friends who have given up sweet things?)

~  There is continued use despite adverse consequences.

(You know it's bad for you, you know it's killing you, you are in despair, and you go back for more.  Hits kinda close to home, yes?)

~  There is a marked increase in tolerance.

(One small cookie won't cut it anymore.  You have to eat three, eight, a dozen, the whole box.)

~  There are withdrawal symptoms.

(You may not have made the connection to withdrawal per se.  You may simply know intuitively that you feel better if you have a cup of tea and a piece of cake.)

~  There is use to prevent withdrawal.

(You know you are cranky and will feel better if you hae something sweet.  You take a sugar break at 3 pm because you know if you don't you will be a basket case by 3:30.)


Hmmmm ..... some of those sound familiar.  Maybe I am an addict ... 





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(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)

sugar freedom: day 26

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)
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May 24, Thursday 

[from my post on MOMYS]

I am feeling discouraged.  My lifestyle already included pretty much all of the first five steps.  So all I had to do (thought I) was to get breakfast in a little sooner, be more aware of my blood sugar/serotonin/beta-endorphin symptoms, increase my protein, add the potato, and cut out sugar.  Breakfast has been fairly easy.  Knowing more about the mental/emotional/physical symptoms has been hugely enlightening.  The potato (or apple or toast) has not been hard to add.  Increasing the protein is not difficult, just expensive (for "easy-to-count" animal proteins). 

So I guess I thought that once I cut sugar out (as of May 6), got past days 4 & 5, I'd be home free!  And I was .... for a couple of weeks.  Is it a 5-day detox every time I eat a few grams of sugar (that cornbread breakfast....)?

This is starting to feel more like labor than liberty.

But the good days .... the focus, the energy, the feeling of hopeful creative possibility .... it lures me on.  I can do this.  No, scratch that.  You and I both know better (remember the ice cream?!):  I can't do this, but God  can do this in me.

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sugar freedom: day 25

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)
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May 23, Wednesday

[from my post on MOMYS]

So, the all-or-nothing in me is "nothing" right now.  In the back and forth of things, I am definitely in the back rather than the forth.

The food journal has fallen by the wayside.  So has my husband's participation.

Frankly, I am furious.  (am I allowed to say that?  am I allowed to be that?!)  I thought I was done with sugar.  Healed.  I felt soooo great with it out of my system, I was telling everyone I met how wonderful it is to live without sugar.  FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Ha.

I feel like a hypocrite.  I feel like a fool.  I feel like a failure.  (Yes, I know there's a lot of "feel" in there.  Trying to keep fact somewhere in sight.)

So.  I am remembering that [another mom] said there is a lot of back and forth mentally in the beginning.  I served the children dessert for supper (frozen birthday cake from a couple weeks ago) and my husband had some too.  I refrained, mad and martyred.  Was that beneficial?  Hmmm, probably not.

[Another mom] said "when I was thinking like you are now, I would remind myself that I was technically still on step one, and just eat what I wanted until I felt like I could move forward again" ....  So, what does that look like?  Do you just go ahead and have the cake and ice cream, knowing that it would make you feel bad (low energy, low mood, cravings), or do you hold strong (somehow with a good attitude)?  I feel like if I ever eat sugar again I am going to start a mudslide that will be out of my control and put me in a pit so deep I'll never climb out.

(low serotonin / beta-endorphin levels much?!!)

Argh.  Joyce Meyer (of Battlefield of the Mind fame) would just have a field day with me I'm sure.

I wonder how it goes for other sugarfree-ers - anyone care to volunteer your attempts at breaking the addiction?  Are you even-steven all the time?  How long did it take you to get there?!  Staying completely away from sugar?  Or giving in sometimes and paying for it but then getting back on track?  Or giving in and giving up?

It's easy to share the victory stories. Not so fun the frustrations. Thanks for listening......-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)

sugar freedom: day 23

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)


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May 21, Monday

[from my post on MOMYS]

So the cornbread I had for breakfast on Friday, led, perhaps, to the maple cream I had on Saturday, which led to the ice cream I had on Sunday ..... Sugar appears to be a slippery slope indeed.  I must proceed with greater caution - and humility!!

Today is going well so far.  Our new breakfast of muesli (oats, raisins, coconut, slivered almonds, flaxmeal with milk) seems to start me off well!  The "tons of energy" may even have hit.  I kind of gauge my energy by how I feel going up our one (very steep) flight of steps.  This morning I was bounding up them, which is top energy (and highly unusual) for me!  Plus ... time seems to be slowing down.  I don't know if it's better focus and energy leading to more efficiency and productivity, but I look at the clock now and think, 'wow, we still have a lot of morning/afternoon/evening left!' instead of thinking, 'wow, it's lunchtime already and we still haven't _____!!'

Nice. I'll take it!

p.s.  [flashback] Yesterday after church (pre- ice cream-indulgence) we had a fellowship meal, which I usually dread (the setting, not the actual fellowship):  too much noise, too many people, too much to do with feeding children, to hard to carry on conversations, and yes - feeling left out, rejected, secluded, etc.  It was a youth group fund-raiser (they served a potato bar) which I had forgotten about.  

Normally I abhor last minute schedule changes, but today it felt like no big deal to suddenly decide to stay.  I enjoyed the fellowship time, despite the usual amount of noise and some occasional social awkwardness.  I'm guessing I have this plan to thank.  (and God's grace to stay on this plan as much as I have!!)

Let's hear it for sugar freedom!!

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sugar freedom: day 21

(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)
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May 19, Saturday

[from my post on MOMYS]

I started my day with straight "muesli" with greek yogurt, no coffee, and certainly none of the cream-filled, chocolate-iced donuts that my Farmer brought home from work!!!!  No fruit juice, even - and we only serve juice with weekend breakfasts, so it feels like giving up a treat.  

I think I'm feeling clearer already, though.  It was so hard yesterday to eat well.  Um, actually, I guess I didn't eat well.  It was hard to even WANT to eat well, and by the end of the day I was just done with it, feeling all "done to" (low beta-endorphins) and martyr-like that I couldn't have sugar, etc.  When the children went to bed, I ate a small serving of ricotta WITH MAPLE CREAM.  Oh, man, was that good.  (I was hoping it would taste too sweet, but it was actually incredibly delicious).  But I woke up this morning furious with the world ... okay, I don't know really if that was the sugar or the fact that my son was in his crib partying at TOP VOLUME at 5 a.m. on the one morning I get to sleep in a little (i.e. set the alarm for 6:50 instead of 5:30).

I am determined to have a better day today, and somewhat humiliated that it has so much to do with whether or not I eat sugar.  And frankly, I feel angry about it, too.  "Why can't I just eat like other people?"  "Why does my husband have to bring home donuts when he KNOWS I'm a crab when I eat sugar?!"  "Why do they have to all eat them in front of me, exclaiming about how GOOD they are?!  How can he bring this poison into our home and feed it to our children?!"

Dreadful, aren't I?  It just goes to show, I think, the addictive nature of sugar for some of us.  I am going to CHOOSE (do you hear me, brain?!!) to dwell today on how much better I feel when there is no sugar in my system.

(eta:  as if yesterday weren't hard enough, today I was at a bridal tea party that was all refined flour and half pure sugar.  I didn't even look at the dessert table (to keep myself from sampling them all!!) and am hoping that I'm not sensitive to white flour.  Fortunately it started off with a green salad ... !)

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(click here for the first post in my sugar freedom story, or here for the entire series)